If you came face to face with a lion, hands up if you'd turn your back and run. Yes me too. But if we did, we wouldn't be reading on. Each one of the estimated 16,500 to 47,000 lions in Africa would see us as a cheap eat.
The number of Australians travelling to Africa has steadily increased over the past decade. Yet the adventurous Aussie is no longer content with the safari jeep experience, we're groupies of the fastest growing element in the tourism industry - nature based travel. In Africa, this means walking safaris, canoeing safaris and self drive safaris. The one thing these all have in common is that the thrill of adventure carries some beastly risks.
Intrepid Australians may not be ones for etiquette, but we should be armed with a few rules before we take on Simba and his crowd. The first is forget the stilettos and the designer gear. There's only one way to impress a lion and it's not with the latest Jimmy Choos. If you're on foot in the middle of the South African bushveld, and you stumble upon a pride of lions, the only thing to save you will be confidence, camouflage and perhaps a gun if you're carrying one. (However you won't be.)
For camouflage on safari the new khaki is khaki. Red t-shirts might blend in during Spain's Tomatina festival but in Africa you won't want to attract any attention. Khaki, and muted colours are the day wear for survival on the African cat walk.
When you step on to the savannah's runway, beware the thrills of tracking the big five and arm yourself with the following tips.
Elephants:
The African Bush Elephant is the largest living land dwelling animal, normally reaching up to 24 feet in length and 11.5 feet in height. Yet your average bush elephant has something in common with Russell Crowe. They both hate the paparazzi. Take a photo with your flash and be prepared for more than a phone to come hurtling your way. An elephant will mock charge. So to survive, stand your ground. Make as much noise as you can. Do not back off. Once the elephant has gone, pick up some of his dung, burn it and inhale it. It's an ancient sangoma (African witchdoctor) cure for headaches, you'll probably need something after the encounter.
Lion and Leopard:
Never turn your back on a lion and never run from a lion. Stare the animal straight in the eye, make yourself look big and very slowly back away. Remember lions don't really want to eat you. Wildebeest and zebras are at the top of their menu.
Rhinoceros:
Rhinos are rather friendly creatures but if they feel they're in danger, they'll charge and at up to 60 km per hour. Remember they have poor eyesight but excellent hearing and sense of smell. If a rhino charges, run to the nearest tree, you'll be surprised how well you can climb in this situation.
Buffalo:
Herds of Buffalo are relatively 'safe', as much as any wild animal weighing in at 700 kg with such formidable horns. However single male buffalo are exceptionally dangerous simply because they are so unpredictable. Keep your distance. Run and climb if you are charged.
After surviving a day in the African bush, it's certainly a time for sundowners. These are African cocktails held in the middle of the savannah, at night which is hunting time for many animals, especially the deadly mosquitoes.
If you've forgotten your malaria tablets, dose up with buckets of gin and tonics. The quinine infused tonic was the first treatment for malaria used since the seventeenth century right through to the 1940s. However the British colonials, living in India,couldn't stomach the bitter taste so they mixed it with gin. As an Australian, we could no doubt down the tonic water straight from the bottle.
Yet as an Australian, we could also drink that gin straight down.